


The Only Escape

by hchollym



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Dependent Behavior, Depression, Heartbreak, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Suicide, Tragedy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-19
Packaged: 2018-02-13 18:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2161284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hchollym/pseuds/hchollym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili can't handle losing Bilbo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Only Escape

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for suicide, so please do not read if this is a triggering subject for you!
> 
> I am not condoning suicide or Kili’s thought process in this story in any way. I speak from experience when I say that feeling like you can’t live without someone is extremely unhealthy, and it should not be viewed as romantic or sweet. 
> 
> If you’re having suicidal thoughts, please talk to someone or call the suicide prevention hotline.
> 
> ...
> 
> Written for the kink meme prompt:
> 
> Bilbo has been dating Fili and Kili (or maybe they are in a triad relationship), but he really only has feelings for one of the brothers.
> 
> The other one figures it out. Maybe he overhears Bilbo say it to someone else or maybe he can just tell by the way Bilbo acts with them both. Either way, he is heartbroken and devastated.

Kili practically bounced through the dimly-lit corridor toward the room he shared with Bilbo and Fili. He was supposed to guard the gate all night, but Thorin had allowed him to switch days with Dwalin when he complained that he had a headache. Truthfully, he just wanted to spend time with Bilbo because they’d both been so busy lately, but his uncle didn’t need to know that. 

Everyone thought princes and their hobbit were strange, whispering behind their backs about the scandalous royal family. Even Kili had to admit that it was rather odd to share his lover with his brother, but they had all agreed that it was for the best. Neither Fili nor Kili would have been able to be truly happy with Bilbo knowing that it meant their brother was heartbroken and alone.

They’d always shared everything, so it didn’t seem like too much of a stretch for them to share a lover as well. They never did anything sexual with each other, despite what some of the rumors claimed, but they did spend quite a bit of time together. The three of them had dinner together every night and went on walks; they looked at the stars together and even slept in the same bed.

They were never intimate with Bilbo at the same time though; it would have been too awkward and uncomfortable for all three of them. The brothers took turns spending time alone with Bilbo, and then at the end of the night, they would both curl up on either side of him and fall asleep cuddling their hobbit. 

Kili sometimes wished that he could have Bilbo all to himself, as selfish as he knew that was. He would feel terrible if Fili was lonely, but he couldn’t help but feel like he shared a special bond with Bilbo that Fili didn’t have with the hobbit. They both loved being outdoors and going on picnics, and Kili helped Bilbo with his gardening and his cooking. 

They had so much in common, and every time they made love, it felt like everything else just disappeared and they were the only two people in the world. It was like their souls melded into one, and they were connected at the innermost level; it was perfect. As Kili neared to the door, he stopped when he heard Bilbo say his name, curious to know why the other two were talking about him. 

“You know that I care about Kili, but I wish it could be just me and you,” Bilbo said quietly, his voice laced with guilt, and Kili’s heart stopped. He held his breath as he strained to hear, praying that he misunderstood and there was some other explanation. He heard Fili sigh sadly. 

“I know. I wish it could be that way too, but I could never do that to Kili. He loves you so much, and it would break his heart if he knew you only wanted to be with me.” Fili’s voice was pleading for Bilbo to understand, but Kili could barely register anything aside from the ringing in his ears. 

His heart was beating frantically in his chest, and it felt like all the air had been punched from his body. The world seemed to slow down, and he felt like he had just been stabbed in the chest. The pain in his heart was excruciating as he stumbled away from the door and down the hallway in a daze. 

His cheeks felt wet, and he absently realized that it was from his own tears; he hadn’t even realized that he was crying. He felt dizzy, and when he finally rounded the corner after what seemed like an eternity, his knees gave out, and he collapsed onto the floor. He gasped for breath as sobs wracked his body, making him shake violently as he hugged his knees to his chest. 

He felt like his heart was breaking into a million little pieces that would never be put back together. Bilbo didn’t love him; he only loved Fili. It felt like his entire world was crumbling around him. He thought that Bilbo felt the same way that he did, but it was all a lie. Bilbo was only with him because Fili felt bad for his pathetic little brother. 

When the tears finally subsided, he was still trembling as he stood up shakily and managed to stumble into an empty room nearby. He threw himself onto the bed, burying his head into the pillow. He felt like all the energy had been drained from his body, and his breathing was coming out shaky. He was exhausted. 

He turned over to stare at the ceiling numbly. He didn’t want to feel like this anymore; he couldn’t handle it. The thought of feeling this hopeless every day was overwhelming. It was too much, and it felt like there was no escape. Except one. 

He unsheathed the dagger that was hanging at his hip and turned it over in his hands contemplatively. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he lifted up the sleeve of his shirt. If Bilbo only wanted Fili, then Kili wasn’t going to stand in his way. He slid the blade across his wrist, watching the crimson liquid flow from his skin. 

His head started to spin, and everything suddenly seemed distant and far away. He felt like he was floating. He loved them both so much. Fili was his brother, and Bilbo was the love of his life. He truly did wish them all the happiness in the world together. He just couldn’t handle being around to see it.


End file.
